Narrative: several years ago I took my mom to my brother’s for Thanksgiving and when we got to Dallas I got on the George Bush toll road to avoid the traffic to Plano. After I had zipped through a couple of toll booths, my mom looked over at the long lines in the lanes where you had to pay cash and asked me why I avoided those long lines. I told her I had a toll tag that’s prepaid and she said that’s kinda like getting’ baptized you don’t have to wait at the gate you can just go right on through and I thought about when you go through the manned gates they get a chance to look you over and smell ya, and sadly maybe pull you outta line for smokin’ or drinkin’ and who knows what else. So I’d like to dedicate this song as a memorial to my Momma and share with you two scriptures. Mark 16:16 “he that believeth and is baptized shall be saved.” And Acts 2:38 “repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the remission of your sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.”

Been called a rake a parlor snake, cad and a gigolo
Maybe true, but no need to be rude
When you’re trash talkin’ bout my soul
I’ve dined with swine, shared some wine
Socialized with soiled doves
But I’ve been saved by the watery grave
I’m the prodigal that Jesus loves

So if you need somebody to talk about
Hoss help yourself to me
I’m a sinner a sleaze a pharisee
Married three times, sowed Satan’s seed
But I’m washed in the blood, I felt the cleansing flood
That flowed from Calvary
So if you need somebody to sit and judge
Hoss help yourself to me

Cause I’m on the road to the streets of gold
My toll tag’s been prepaid
On the cruel tree the man from Galilee
Paid the price for me now I’m saved
Mark 16:16 says it’s so
So I know it’s true
No need to wait at the pearly gate
Pete will just wave me through

Honky tonked my share danced two-step and square
Been accused of victimless crime
Smoked the devil’s lettuce and don’t regret it
But they bad mouthed Jesus for bibbin’ wine
I’ve had a checkered past a social outcast
But Jesus says that’s fine
He’ll say come on in my once lost friend
At least the wives were one at a time

So if you need somebody to talk about
Hoss help yourself to me
I’m a sinner a sleaze a pharisee
Married three times, sowed Satan’s seed
But I’m washed in the blood, I felt the cleansing flood
That flowed from Calvary
So if you need somebody to sit and judge
Hoss help yourself to me

Well if you get my drift come get your gift
Like it reads in Acts 2:38
Then the Spirit will come and ride shotgun
With every reprobate to the Pearly Gate
Repent, confess and be baptized
Before it gets too late
Get your toll tag paid by the watery grave
Then glide on through the gate, that’s true!
No need to hesitate at the Pearly Gate
Pete will just wave you through
That’s right all right